Chance Musings

I came across this kid in the UK who by age 11 has had 2 heart transplants and is currently under palliative care. He was trying to get his You Tube Channel – Kraken The Box – to 100,000 subscribers. Kori is a huge Johnny Depp fan and Mr. Depp heard of this young man’s plight and called him on Face Time. I found that Kori has an Amazon Wish list. I thought it would be nice to send him something. I looked at the wish list and saw a Rock Tumbler – it tumbles rocks so you can display them or use them in making jewelry. My wife is a jeweler of 40+ years, does repairs, custom work, and teaches classes. In reality, the present may be for his mom or sister in college. That is okay; it does not have to go to him; the family is involved in this whole journey. I ordered it. Note: the list also includes items for a charity. I am very impressed and heartened with the positive outpouring that people have shown. It gives some hope for humanity. Remember the gift is in the giving.

I should have known that only chaos would result. After I paid for it I get a notice that the day of the delivery I will get a 6 digit code that I have to share with the driver. For the driver to give the recipient the package they had to give the driver the code. So as not to get too long winded here is what I ended up finding out how that works. (This took 4 days to figure out and at least 5 hours on chat with Amazon UK Customer Service)

Just before the package is delivered an email is sent to the purchaser (me) with the one time code. For example, 12:30 PM UK time. I get an email at 4:30 AM because I am on the West Coast of the USA. Not knowing this I wake up at 8 AM Pacific (4 PM UK) and send the code to the email address on the you tube site. The Amazon checkout does not reveal the address or contact info of the recipient. This is how it should be. After going through this 2 times, they won’t leave the package even though Kori’s mom is probably on a first name basis with the Amazon delivery person.

I spend more time in Amazon UK chat and find out that they cannot do anything about it. They cannot confirm the contact email I have. (understandable, that is proper handling of personal information) So they say if you stay up and send the code as soon as you get it that should work. So I stay up all night waiting for the code.

Alas no code. I try Amazon USA and even call them but they are as useful as mammary glands on a lady of the holy order. They basically deflect to UK CS. They suggest calling UK CS. I said that is $3.00 a minute. I also point out that UK CS has said they will call me multiple times and never once did. In fact, I have even asked what happened and I get no response. Classy Amazon UK CS. What it means is that Amazon CS is not trained to know that they cannot call me on the phone. That they cannot call the USA. It means their system does not tell them “Hey you cannot call that area”. They know my phone number and what country I am in.

I spend another 4 hours on Amazon chat trying to get them to refund the funds and just apply it to the wish list account. They ask me for personal information about the recipient like phone etc. Of course, I have to explain why I do not have this. I cannot put it on a Gift card because we would be back to square 1 with the code thing.

Finally, I am told you can give them the order number and they can apply it to their account. Thus they can click on the order, have it refunded, and the credit put on their account. Geeze that took 5 hours to find out. I sent that info via email to the you tube email I have and I posted that on his FB page. I am drained.

I am a software engineer so I am very familiar with processes. I have worked as a tier 1,2,3 customer support person on a complex product. I have worked for a world wide company customizing their software for handling customers. this company’s customer service department won international awards for customer service for at least 5 years in a row. So it pains me to see a company with the resources do such a piss poor job and make no attempt to improve. Their whole tone was one of Cover Your ASS and who is to blame. Having worked for someone from Amazon I see that attitude is pervasive. They should read or have Simon Sinek to turn that crap around. The company would be much more efficient if people weren’t spending energy trying to protect themselves from blame. Also see Dunbar’s Number. Groups bet too big destroy themselves. See WR Gore and unit size.

Here is a list of the things Amazon could improve

• With “expensive” items where you require the code process allow the person ordering to specify that the recipient get the code. You have that information. The person ordering the item may not as is the case with a wish list.
• With those code items allow the sender to say no code with the understanding that if the package is stolen it is not refundable.
• Train the Amazon CS staff on basics. If the system won’t allow them to talk to the customer then say so. Have the system give them an error like “Calls to this region (USA) are out of your call area (UK).” I had at least 6 different CS people promise me I would get a call. No call ever.
• Tell the truth. Amazon UK CS has lost all credibility to me. I would ask to speak with the manager and told certainly and be connected to someone who was not a manager. That is called lying. I would have other people tell me things that later were inconsistent with what other CS agents said.
• Do some up front questions to make sure the customer is talking to someone in a group that can actually help. I do not expect a CS agent in the Amazon Video group to answer my issue. It will save me and Amazon a ton of time and frustration.
• When chatting say what group you are in. If you are not in a group that can answer my question that does not help either of us.
• Clearly Amazon grades/pays/evaluates on how quickly the agent “resolves” the call. I often suddenly got “Susie is having technical problem” notice and be connected to another agent. No one can go outside of whatever the prescribed solution is and if it is not in the playbook they cannot think of any other solution.
• The constant apologizing but not solving the problem is annoying. It is comes across as totally insincere and formulaic. Insincere apologies are worse than no apology.
• Actually read the chat and if you need clarity ask for clarity. Again and again at all levels I would have to repeat things multiple times because either they lacked reading comprehension or again were trying to get rid of me. I am a persistent bugger.
• When the customer asks a relevant question answer it. I would ask what group are you in – I wanted to make sure I was talking to someone that might be able to help me – I would have to ask 3 or 4 times and be persistent. Or I would say can we do this? They would just ignore my question.
• LEARN from issues. I am fairly sure that Amazon does not learn from these types of things. There should be a way for an agent to put in a process suggestion or a “bug” issue in and get some positive recognition.

When: Saturday December 17 from 2 PM until?

Details:

Since I have no idea how many people are coming or what time this is a pot luck. I will supply a large selections of games and limited food. I will have plenty of ice and non-alcoholic beverages – water, sodas, seltzers, sparkling cider, coffee etc.. I will have a limited supply of beer, hard cider, wine, hard liquor. I have found people are not hard booze hounds and I don’t want people driving home even tipsee. I will have cups, plates, eating utensils, serving utensils etc. So bring something to share. This is the time of the year when we get inundated with high sugar content so less of that please. No smoking inside the house. I have a deck in back if you want to smoke.

You are welcome to bring a game you want to share. We have found people are less inclined to play a game that takes hours or where the rules are highly complex. We are going to have people with a wide age range and some may be teenagers. We have not had anyone yet bring a game that a parent might frown on their teenager being introduced to but you get what I mean.

We have enough room to have several different games going on at the same time. You are also welcome to just socialize. There is no requirement you play any of the games. Often we will bring out a game you have not seen before. We will go over the rules and often one or 2 rounds so people get the idea. Then we will start again. You are also welcome to watch and play it after this one completes. The party time is from 2 PM until probably midnight. Some people have prior commitments or work on Saturday so you do not have to show up at 2 PM.

You are welcome to bring a friends/spouse/partner/significant other/etc. You can bring a child(ren) but use your judgement. My house is not child proof and if they are too young they may be bored stiff. Teens that want to be here are welcome. I will not be turning on electronic games.

In general, the tone of day/night is to have fun. Lets be good winners and loosers. The idea is to learn a new game, try your best, socialize, meet new people and just have fun. No gifts. You are not expected to bring any gifts. We are in the midst of an inflationary period and the Holiday Season. Please DO NOT feel obligated to bring any gift. Your coming and having fun is a great gift.

This is a public page and I am not putting my address on it. if you need my address test or email me and I will give you the address.

What is something worth? If it is a commodity like gold we can look up the current value on line or at a market like the CME and trade on the spot or futures market. You can go to one of those cash for gold places. That doesn’t answer the question what is the value? To a solitary man stranded on a desert island gold has little value. In Robert Heinlein’s YA book StarShip Troopers the high school professor awards 1st place to a student who came in 2nd at a race to make the point that has no value to the student. They did not earn the award. The point being value stems from individual evaluation.

Some things have such a high value that really cannot have a price. For example, if you are a mother or father what value can you put on watching your child grow up; Participating in that journey. The value to them is much higher than to me or another stranger. How much would the parent accept as payment to forgo those experiences? I dare say IF there was a dollar figure it would be very very high.

My point is value is subjective.

This is Bertrand Russel’s Nobel Prize for Literature acceptance speech. Every few years I reread it and always get some additional subtle meaning. It helps to read this before going into a political season – are we ever out of the political season? in the past few years it seems no rest for the wicked – It helps me to cut through the BS on all sides. The blatant political manipulation becomes even clearer. I was talking with a friend, Brad, and he made a good point. He gets emails from a variety of political parties and he said they must all use the same communication director. They basically follow the outline of “Those evil ______ are ____ and ___ and we must defeat them because they are _____. Send me $25 right now because of this crisis. If you do not then _____ and ___ and god forbid ___ will happen!!!!!”

I delete those emails even if it is a candidate I am for. I certainly do not give them $. Personally, I am not swayed by political ads. So I see no reason to give funds to candidates. Of course, you support whomever you desire; that is your business.

Since the sun went down the lights slowly appeared out of the darkness. Sometimes they came in pairs and sometimes singly ; occasionally in a small group – each trailing the other. They bobbed and bounced some slowly some a bit faster. If you could have risen up in the air and looked down you would see them wending their way around the mountain. The line, broken with many large gaps, stretched over 30 miles of mountain trail.

This “line” started at 6 AM where 180 people toed the starting line to test their mettle by attempting to traverse 100 miles of trail wilderness near Bend Oregon and ending at the Jr. High School in Sisters, Oregon. I was at an aid station where the runners would pass by at mile 16 and again at mile 66. (They went out on a 50 mile loop and came back to us – often called a lollipop loop). The first time they came through they were all smiles and did not stay at our aide station long. The next aide station was 4.2 miles away. By 11:30 AM the sweeps arrived at our aid station. The sweeps follow the last runner. Their job is to pick up any course markings – these races try to clean up after themselves – and to radio ahead if they find a runner who needs attention. They will stay with the runner. The safety of the runners is paramount. Each aide station also records the bib number and time of when a runner arrived. The time is less important. You really want the relative order and an approximate time. What is very important is Did this runner get to your aide station? Did they drop (quit the race at your aide station?)? Did they continue on. Each aide station does a reconciliation when the sweeps arrive. We want to know did everyone who should have arrived at your aide station arrive? Is someone missing? For example, lets say George left aide station 3 but aide station 4 never saw him and the sweeps arrive at aide station 4. Now we need to find George. Often we use a HAM radio to call aide station 5 to see if they saw George. If so then you missed him. If not we must account for him.

The first runner got to us the 2nd time (after running 66 miles) at about 6:30 PM. The sun was almost down. We were in the shadow of Mt. Bachelor and so it got dark quickly. The temperature dropped quickly. It was a sunny day so no clouds to hold the heat in. We were at about 6,000 feet. The next runner was about 30 minutes later. We had turned on the lights in our popup canopy – like those you see at art fairs). The generator was heating the skillet to cook bacon, casa dies, and pancakes. Unlike an aid station at a marathon we offered a wide selection of food and beverages. We also were cup less meaning you were expected to bring your own cup. This practice cuts down on the paper waste and the potential for garbage to be strewn about.

We had chicken broth, oranges, bananas, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, pickles, pickle juice, chips, oreos, chocolate chip cookies, bacon, water, electrolyte drink, coke (the drink not the drug) , ginger ale, and much more. We would also give you a baggie to hold food that you wanted to take with you. This aide station did not have normal toilet facilities. So we could supply TP and point you towards a wooded area. (most Ultras have a porta potty but this one would have been very hard to reach. It took me almost an hour to drive to it over dirt roads and a distance of 18 miles)

When a runner comes in we write down the bib number and an approx time. If multiple people arrive at once we write down their bibs and one time for the group. The time is just to give an idea of about when you saw them. It has nothing to do with race statistics. This is different than a marathon. Yes, there are a couple of people who are vying to win, but the vast majority are there to see can they finish! They are racing against themselves not others. Hence they will offer support to other runners. With a race this long it is quite common to allow a pacer to run with the runner. They usually allow this after the 50 mile point. You can have multiple pacers but only one at a time. (eg George has a pacer from mile 50 to mile 65 where there is a chance to meet up with his crew. There he could get a new pacer and let the old one rest.) Pacers are to help you keep up your pace but also to be your buddy and help you evaluate and plan. Once you have run 66 miles and it is 11 PM at night you are thinking less clearly. Having a buddy helps. Also the pacer can fill your water bottles at the aid station etc. You have to find your own pacer. The race does not supply pacers.

At about 11 PM a runner came in with his pacer. The runner looked beat. He was shivering. Yes, it was about 50 degrees out but he said he was not cold. We got him a sleeping bag to drape over him, put him in front of the propane fire. Got him hot broth. Over the next hour his pacer bought him what amounted to about a half gallon of water. He drank all of it. He was shaking because he was dehydrated. I have had that happen. I decided no race was worth the potential to my health and I dropped. (50 mile race) After an hour and a half he felt much better and they took off.

The stream of lights came in in small groups until about 4 AM when the sweeps arrived. I got in my car and fell asleep for 4 hours before driving home. (I needed the sleep and I did not want to try and go down that rocky road in the dark. I had driven up there Friday night and got there at 11 PM and slept in my car. I got up 7 AM Saturday and went to bed 4:30 AM Sunday. I was not going to fall asleep at the wheel)

Robert Heinlein published “The Moon is a Harsh Mistress” in 1966. The storyline is the moon is a penal colony of Earth. The our main characters Manny, a computer technician, The Professor, Wyoh, a female activist, and Mike, a sentient computer that runs all the systems in the main Lunar penal colony form a cabal to over throw the Lunar Authority (The Jailers) and become an independent colony. Of course, you will see a lot of parallels with historic events. It is a gripping story; well worth the read.

But that is not what struck me in rereading it for the umpteenth time last night. What struck me is how similar it is to modern day. I do not mean I live in a penal colony, no. The sentient computer Mike controls almost everything in this main city. Remember this was written in 1966 so most of the “technology” was what they knew or envisioned then. Mike controlled most of the lighting, plumbing, HVAC – including air pressure (it is the moon), communications with Earth, TV, newspaper printing, the phone system, storage of information, the catapult that sent loads of grain to Earth, Banking accounts, state administrative data, etc.

In the book, this revolutionary cabal can listen in on their political enemies. They can easily manufacture money for their cause. They can read the “mail” of the state etc. They can control the information that gets out there. I thought how is this much different than collusion between Big Tech and the deep administrative state? How is this different than the censorship of “misinformation” etc.? I don’t think it is.

Growing up I remember you could buy these short stories called Mad Libs. For those unfamiliar with Mad Libs they were a short story with missing words. Each blank would have a grammatical label such as noun, verb, adjective, adverb, preposition etc. The idea was you could take turns filling in these parts of grammar and make a story. The point was not to find the correct noun or adjective but something funny. It was the days before the Internet and everyone having a cell phone so you could keep kids busy for hours. I know the dark ages. Or at least keep them busy enough that you got less “Are we there yet?” questions.

Today we have a type of Mad Libs on social media. Person X expresses an opinion and someone not in their political tribe responds with:

You’re a typical ____ (adjective) ______( proper noun ). They ___ (action verb) ______ (noun) and are ____ ____ (adjective) ____ (noun) . Your _____(adjective) are well known for ________ (action verb) _______ noun. You ______ (adjective) ______ (noun)! Go ____ (action verb) _____ (preposition) the ______ (noun) you came from!

I really think the above would be a better way to respond, without the blanks filled in. We can guess the flow of vitriol that is going to come forth. Is that vitriol really productive? Is it going to change the minds of the people it is aimed at? Or is it really to signal to your tribe that you are a good person? Does your tribe not know you are a good person? Let me take a little bit of a turn. About 10 years ago Jared Diamond, the author of “Guns, Germs, and Steel” and other books, was asked what do you see as a major threat to humanity? He said social media. You are responding to someone else and they are not in your presence. What some people might call punching distance – no I am NOT advocating for punching because you do not like what someone says; but if you think the other person might your would choose your words more carefully, You cannot see their facial expressions while you are communicating. We evolved in small tribal groups and facial expressions and body language were part of the mix even more so than verbal communication. (Something lost on this Zoom meeting work culture) Finally, to get attention you have to be hyperbolic. All of these things, lead to poor communication:

• Anonymity
• No physical presence
• lack of facial expressions and body language between the participants
• Hyperbole to get your point noticed
• Tribal Mobbing

None of the above are positive. I would also point you to Jonathan Haidt’s book “The Coddling of the American Mind” Mr. Haidt is not some _____ (adjective) _____ (adjective) ____________(noun). His book is well worth the read. Also he writes very well and clearly.

Finally, I recommend Peter Boghossian’s book “How to have difficult conversations”. I have met Peter and gotten some coaching from him for a documentary film about this topic. Peter’s approach is NOT to destroy the other person. It isn’t to use some advanced rhetoric to win some debate. NO. Peter’s approach is to understand what the other person is trying to say. Then to ask some dispositive questions. Questions to get the person to answer the questions 1. Is there any possible evidence that would get you to shift your mind a little bit? 2. If so what might that evidence look like? He does not then whip out that evidence and say “GOTCHA!” No, he has gotten you to think about it. Here is a video illustrating what I am trying to say. Peter is at UC Berkley and he asks a small group of students a question. They can then go to one of five lines strongly agree, agree, neutral, disagree, or strongly disagree) You may agree or not with the question; that is not my point. Watch how he interviews each student. He has several of these types of videos.

Peter is trying to open a dialogue and get a conversation going. He does not recommend trying this on social media. It does not work. Meet the person for a beer and discuss. I was talking with someone recently. This person has a good heart and is more conservative than the other person they were talking to. The issue was a very hot button issue. The other person strongly disagreed with their position. The other person was a strong liberal person. The conservative person gave more details about where they stood on this issue. The liberal person; it turns out had the same view! No filling out of tribal Mad Libs just a respectful conversation face to face.

So yes social media is bad.

When your body goes into fight or flight response your liver releases glycogen to provide energy to run or fight. You also release adrenaline and cortisol. If you experience this again and again and again every day it can lead to depression. My last job was a highly stressful, anxiety producing job. Starting in November of last year the stress mounted and my biomarkers deteriorated significantly. At the beginning of November the co-worker I was working with was fired. So now I had to take n his work also. Never mind there was years of technical debt. I asked if we were going to hire a replacement. I was told that there wasn’t any budget for that. I eventually, figured out there wasn’t any budget to hire a data engineer but there was to hire someone else who could not help me and would end up costing me over a hundred hours in productivity. I heard the “we don’t have the budget” mantra from my boss in other similar situations when they wanted to get rid of a position or a person. I assume the best in people and try to extend that until it becomes painfully clear I was wrong. That does allow people to take advantage, but I feel you should give people a fair shot and assume the best at the outset.

For many many months I fought this stress and anxiety hoping things would improve. Starting in November often in 1 on 1 meetings with my boss I felt there was a threatening undertone. That I could be let go at any time. Alos since everything was remote the one on ones were always with cameras off. You miss any facial expressions; that only raised my anxiety. Frequently, the 1 on 1’s were canceled or skipped or rescheduled at the last minute. The boss’s employees were less important than whatever the boss was doing.

I finally had to seek mental help. For many months, starting before December, I was waking up multiple times during the week contemplating how to end this painful stress and anxiety. I listened to Dr. Peterson many times. I never got to the stage of planning but I often considered checking into the ER. I slogged on. In late May I did send my boss a letter that included that I had broken down 4 times since the beginning of the year in tears and on the edge each time of just quitting. That I had never cried at work before. The boss was more concerned that the letter was me resigning than about my well being. That said a lot. BTW, I had for many months mentioned the stress and over work. Each time I got deflections, “Everyone works hard”, “Don’t work so hard” (then don’t accept more and more work and ask me to work over weekends and holidays) .

Yes, finally in late February I got a contractor to help out. His technical skills were excellent and he had some outstanding ideas. The problem is that the code base was an undocumented mess. 11 years of throw it against the wall, damn the torpedoes development. So I had to help him get up to speed. Unfortunately, the things I wanted him to do we never got to it. I was not in charge of him and he kept getting pulled into other things. I kept asking how long we had him and the best I could get is “The Company only does 3 month contracts.” That is not helpful. I could never get an answer. Usually I got silence when I asked. There is a very different strategy to use a contractor if you only have him for 3 months vs 1 year. It did not really matter since I rarely got to direct him to what I needed to tackle the tech debt. The boss kept pulling him off on other projects and on one project he spun his wheels for over 100 hours due to a person not talking to others to get a second opinion. There were many times I would talk to a co-worker about a tough issue and while I may be the senior person with the most experience it was always beneficial to talk to others.

The boss had a habit of not answering questions. It could be a question in a conversation, a direct email, a chat conversation and just silence. I found out later this behavior was experienced by others. Questions like You created a table for this data I am supposed to load can you tell me the name of the table? Silence. it makes it difficult to do your job.

I was easily working 65 hours a week minimum since November 2021. I figure in the 6 months of 2022 I put in over 750 hours of overtime. Since I was fulltime I did not get paid for that. I was told I should get some comp days. LOL that never happened. I did not get to have the holidays off. My boss’s boss found out because they asked me. That got me in trouble with my boss. I was not going to lie. My boss’s boss was supposed to see if I could get my job reclassified. He said he would get back to me in about 30 days. I was at the top of the pay band (and I had just started at that job) and could not get anymore compensation. No annual raises. Yes, you could get a special bonus at the end of the year but that was limited so the best would be top of pay band plus a static fixed amount maybe. It was discretionary. Unlike if you get a 2% raise a year the pay keeps climbing albeit not at a meteoric rate. But it does go up.

I never heard from the boss’s boss again. I let over 60 days go by. I asked my boss several times and got silence. I sent them a short note asking for status. In the over 3 weeks before I gave notice I never heard anything from them. I did eventually tell them that in my over 30 years of working I had never had a manager not give me some sort of status. Just rude. I figured the boss and their boss talked and my boss did not want to give me one red cent more. They were too much of a coward to say so. Very abusive to take advantage of an employee’s good graces.

I got to a point where the contractor ‘s time was getting eaten up by a particular project that really should not take as long as it did. I know he was working hard on it but he was not in control. He was downstream and had to process files that were thrown at him. The specifications and other aspects of the project were kept close to the vest and no one could see them. When asked they were told it was none of their business. We worked for the same friggen company this silly and frustrating. One evening I looked into it and figured out that it was tricky. It was not simple at all. But after about 8 hours I had it working. me in trouble because I was goal oriented ant NIMBY was in play. Also in talking to the therapist my goal was to work and solve the problem. This other individual had what they called ego fragility. That anything that could be construed as an attack on their ego they would take it as such. In retrospect, I see that now. My goal was to solve the problem and move on. I had more than enough work to do. But I was not the fair haired child of the boss and so I got in trouble and was told I was on the brink of losing my job. I had done my best to follow the boss’s instructions but I guess I did not. See . I tried to talk to the boss about my job and offers I had gotten. They ignored me wanting to talk with them. Instead they yelled at me and when I tried to respond told me to not speak. At the end I was asked what do I have to say. I said you told me not to speak. I felt there was nothing I could say. There were no words or actions I could do to redeem myself in the boss’s eyes. There is a Romanian saying “When you burn your tongue; you are careful even eating yogurt.” At that moment I resolved to take the advice multiple people had given me. Get another job.

I got an offer and while I considered working until the last day and then just sending an email saying “I quit”. Boss was always telling me my emails were too long. I thought no I will give 2 weeks notice and be professional. That is the standard. The boss was going on vacation when I could have given 2 weeks notice. I did not want to interrupt their vacation. So I told them at my next one on one (again their camera off) that my last day was a bit over 2 weeks away. I planned to make sure the transition was smooth and go over things with the people I worked with. I did not want to cause them additional pain or work. I knew they were going to be busy. I had worked on some complex items and while I had documented them it would be to their benefit to have a good briefing. I made sure I communicated this to my boss.

3 hours later the boss fired me. At least this one time they turned their camera on. In that moment it became clear how petty the boss was. They were willing to cause me to lose some $ but in reality hurt the company more. My new employer moved the start date up a week when they heard. So it really did not affect my income. It did send a negative signal to everyone else on the team about the manager.

I will say about 3 days after I left the job my BG dropped significantly closer to normal. I was able to stop taking anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication. I was able to see friends and spend an uncomfortable 2 nights on Mt. St Helens

being of service to ultra runners.

Now I am going to briefly talk about Louie Zamperini. He had an amazing life and during WWII he was captured by the Japanese. He was tortured. At the end of the war he returned home and married. He could not hold a job and he fell into drink. Today we would say he had PTSD. Finally his wife took him to a Billy Graham Revival. It put him on the right path. He returned to Japan and met with all the people who had mistreated him. He forgave them. A friend of mine read the book and she said I could never forgive those guards if it had been me. I understood where she was coming from. I pointed out that he was forgiving them for himself not for them. He needed closure and it had to come from him.

I forgive those who have treated the situation badly. I forgive you without reservations. I am putting down my burden and taking up a different load. I am not prefect by any stretch. I have and will continue to make many mistakes. I deeply regret mistakes or offense I have given. I am truly sorry. I felt then and now there is nothing I can or could have done to be redeemed in my managers eyes. I even asked that question and could not get an answer.

In closing I am going to tell a type of Asops fable:

A senior monk and a junior monk were traveling together. At one point, they came to a river with a strong current. As the monks were preparing to cross the river, they saw a very young and beautiful woman also attempting to cross. The young woman asked if they could help her cross to the other side.

The two monks glanced at one another because they had taken vows not to touch a woman.

Then, without a word, the older monk picked up the woman, carried her across the river, placed her gently on the other side, and carried on his journey.

The younger monk couldn’t believe what had just happened. After rejoining his companion, he was speechless, and an hour passed without a word between them.

Two more hours passed, then three, finally the younger monk could contain himself any longer, and blurted out “As monks, we are not permitted a woman, how could you then carry that woman on your shoulders?”

The older monk looked at him and replied, “Brother, I set her down on the other side of the river, why are you still carrying her?”

Take care all. Look after your friends and family. Life is too important.

I was listening to Harry Chapin’s The Cats in the Cradle. While I have heard this song hundreds of times. I think it really hit home. I have 2 grown up sons and one got married recently. He lives about 40 minutes away and he and his wife are busy with their business. (day care)

It is just a poignant song.