Growing up I remember you could buy these short stories called Mad Libs. For those unfamiliar with Mad Libs they were a short story with missing words. Each blank would have a grammatical label such as noun, verb, adjective, adverb, preposition etc. The idea was you could take turns filling in these parts of grammar and make a story. The point was not to find the correct noun or adjective but something funny. It was the days before the Internet and everyone having a cell phone so you could keep kids busy for hours. I know the dark ages. Or at least keep them busy enough that you got less “Are we there yet?” questions.
Today we have a type of Mad Libs on social media. Person X expresses an opinion and someone not in their political tribe responds with:
You’re a typical ____ (adjective) ______( proper noun ). They ___ (action verb) ______ (noun) and are ____ ____ (adjective) ____ (noun) . Your _____(adjective) are well known for ________ (action verb) _______ noun. You ______ (adjective) ______ (noun)! Go ____ (action verb) _____ (preposition) the ______ (noun) you came from!
I really think the above would be a better way to respond, without the blanks filled in. We can guess the flow of vitriol that is going to come forth. Is that vitriol really productive? Is it going to change the minds of the people it is aimed at? Or is it really to signal to your tribe that you are a good person? Does your tribe not know you are a good person? Let me take a little bit of a turn. About 10 years ago Jared Diamond, the author of “Guns, Germs, and Steel” and other books, was asked what do you see as a major threat to humanity? He said social media. You are responding to someone else and they are not in your presence. What some people might call punching distance – no I am NOT advocating for punching because you do not like what someone says; but if you think the other person might your would choose your words more carefully, You cannot see their facial expressions while you are communicating. We evolved in small tribal groups and facial expressions and body language were part of the mix even more so than verbal communication. (Something lost on this Zoom meeting work culture) Finally, to get attention you have to be hyperbolic. All of these things, lead to poor communication:
- Anonymity
- No physical presence
- lack of facial expressions and body language between the participants
- Hyperbole to get your point noticed
- Tribal Mobbing
None of the above are positive. I would also point you to Jonathan Haidt’s book “The Coddling of the American Mind” Mr. Haidt is not some _____ (adjective) _____ (adjective) ____________(noun). His book is well worth the read. Also he writes very well and clearly.
Finally, I recommend Peter Boghossian’s book “How to have difficult conversations”. I have met Peter and gotten some coaching from him for a documentary film about this topic. Peter’s approach is NOT to destroy the other person. It isn’t to use some advanced rhetoric to win some debate. NO. Peter’s approach is to understand what the other person is trying to say. Then to ask some dispositive questions. Questions to get the person to answer the questions 1. Is there any possible evidence that would get you to shift your mind a little bit? 2. If so what might that evidence look like? He does not then whip out that evidence and say “GOTCHA!” No, he has gotten you to think about it. Here is a video illustrating what I am trying to say. Peter is at UC Berkley and he asks a small group of students a question. They can then go to one of five lines strongly agree, agree, neutral, disagree, or strongly disagree) You may agree or not with the question; that is not my point. Watch how he interviews each student. He has several of these types of videos.
Peter is trying to open a dialogue and get a conversation going. He does not recommend trying this on social media. It does not work. Meet the person for a beer and discuss. I was talking with someone recently. This person has a good heart and is more conservative than the other person they were talking to. The issue was a very hot button issue. The other person strongly disagreed with their position. The other person was a strong liberal person. The conservative person gave more details about where they stood on this issue. The liberal person; it turns out had the same view! No filling out of tribal Mad Libs just a respectful conversation face to face.
So yes social media is bad.
Chance Musings 