Author: scubajim

A couple of weekends ago I was driving to volunteer for an Ultra trail race. I was listening to my music from my phone. When the song “You’ve got a friend” by James Taylor came on. I had to pull over. In the past 2 years so many connections have been broken. So many friends lost. (not dead) I broke down and cried. If you listen to that song and you don’t have at least that one person to call in those times you have to find someone. Think about it; who could you call? I have started to reconnect. It has helped me through some recent tough times. You need those friends to help evaluate, to have a shoulder, to be able to get support, to have someone to listen to you. To tell you when you f’ed up.

Do I need to explain this? If someone is trying to do good work and he meets criticism => major cognitive dissonance. It goes against his ethics. Usually people are aiming for the good and finding out that they are really evil or at least perceived as such. It destroys a man’s assumptions on his core beliefs.

Due to evolutionary forces women in general use reputation destruction to fight others. When a manager tells private interactions about one employee to another employee that is reputation destruction. It is unprofessional.

Sun Tzu said never corner your opponent. You will suffer more damage than if you allow them an escape. Sun Tzu says always allow them a way to escape. I made a bad assumption about a coworker. I assumed they were competent. It turns out the issue is not whether they are or not. After much discussion with my therapist she pointed out the coworker is likely suffering from ego fragility. (hindsight is 20/20) So any statement gets twisted into being perceived as an attack on their ego. I really had too many things to do to waste energy attacking people’s egos. I would rather just avoid them and use my energy in a more constructive manner. The problem is I was driving towards a solution so we could get work done and they had a different agenda. Their agenda was all wrapped up in their ego. This means that me trying to drive towards a solution, instead of spending over 100 hours on the problem with no solution in sight was perceived as an attack on their ego. Given the manager also told them things about me they could not know this gave them an excuse to be unprofessional. Bad behavior by one person does not justify bad behavior by another. But the manager supported it.

This left me in a situation where there was no way to redeem myself. There was nothing I could do that would have a positive outcome for all of us. Errors would accumulate and never fade away. I am far from perfect; but even the best person, if you accumulate their errors over time, would fail. Also I saw how the manager made assumptions about others and if you got on their wrong side you were doomed. If some communication was perceived as negative it became passive aggressive and reputation destruction. This became especially clear over a lunch. The manager was stating an opinion about a worker in another department. That his communication (only to the manager; which is important because the worker was NOT trying to embarrass by saying these suggestions in public.) on ways to prevent this from happening were taken as a F U to the manager. The manager had caused a major operational issue that required many people to scramble to fix and loss of revenue to the company. The other manager at the table said that was not in that worker’s nature at all. I had worked with that worker at 2 different companies and I agree. But the worker was now deemed unacceptable to communicate with ever again. How professional, NOT!

Finally back in November feedback and ideas were given and that was not disseminated to the group. In it one item was really good and would have saved us a lot of time this week. (and it was simple) But hey ignore feedback at your peril.

Many years ago I was on a last minute flight to Salt Lake City. Because it was last minute and I was a frequent flyer I got a first class seat for the price of coach. I sat next to a man who worked for Scottish Power. He was traveling on business. We chatted about business processes and so related matters. He asked my what was I going to Salt Lake for. In a choked up voice I told him that my mom was a terminal cancer patient and that my boss told me to just work from there when I could and don’t worry about vacation time. He reached into his bag and pulled out a couple of sheets of paper. He said I survived stage 4 brain cancer and this might be useful. I read what he gave me. it has been many years since I read that and each time I reread it I discover some subtle thing I missed.

The article is titled In The Service of Life. Enjoy. Yes, I try to be of service to others; I am not skilled enough to fix and I try to not feel others have incurred debt to me or eel inferior to me because I was of service. If you read the article I think you will understand.

I have never eaten Baked Alaska but my understanding is it combines hot and cold into one dessert. There are times in one’s life when you live “Baked Alaska”. When it is time to move on but it is a frightening and difficult decision. Unlike some decisions it can take months to decide and more months to do. I think breaking up with a SO can be easier (not always!). I think of John Popper’s song “Run-Around” She is breaking up with him and he just cannot believe it.

“Oh, once upon a midnight eerie
I woke with something in my head
I couldn’t escape the memory
Of a phone call and of what you said

Like a game show contestant with a parting gift
I could not believe my eyes
When I saw through the thoughts of a trusted friend
Who needs to humor me and tell me lies, yeah humor me and tell me lies”

I imagine he put so much into the relationship and trusted her. Imagine it is a different relationship. Imagine it is something you put your heart and soul into. To feel you have no choice but to abandon it. To put so much trust, blood, sweat, tears, investment into its potential and to have to walk away. It is like mourning the death of a loved one. (Fortunately, no people died.)

A philosopher once wrote “To destroy a man criticize him for his virtues.” Think on that. How evil must one be to try and destroy another human being. 😦 I imagine it is effective. Especially in a business setting most people try to do the right thing and if they try and do the right thing and they are lambasted for what they did it creates a lot of dissonance. It is a stomach churner.

So it is the high anxiety time.

Both Simon Sinek and Jordan Peterson talk about the infinite game. That implies that there are finite games. A finite game is one where the rules are clear and you know all the players. Monopoly is a finite game. The rules are known and you know who you are playing against. In an infinite game you do not know all the players and the rules are not known and can change over time. The objective is being allowed to keep playing. So if you cheat then people will be reluctant to play with you.

There are times and situations that you find yourself in an unwinnable spot. Not only that but you cannot even beak even. In those times you have to find yourself a new game. You must find a place that offers a fair game and leave the unfair game behind. I have made an effort over many months to ask for a fair game with multiple levels of management. Repeatedly promises made but no follow up; no response to repeated asks for status. That is the status.

Fortunately, it seems like right now is a good time for job seekers.

The last straw was the ultimate “confession through projection” behavior and support of this behavior. It amounts to bullying and reputation destruction. It is very unhealthy and will end up costing the company in lost productivity and team cohesion. I feel sorry for those having to deal with that. And yes, there are people outside that team that the individual has made a rather harsh impression and so any asks they have will get at best standard treatment and priority.

it still is hard and I am sad to leave good people behind. As Simon Sinek points out when people do not feel safe in a group they stop working as a team and work to protect themselves. When the leader doesn’t protect those they are supposedly leading team cohesion suffers and the team ends and individuals exert energy to protect themselves.

My great grandfather had his bike repaired by the Wright Brothers when he lived in Ohio. Simon Sinek tells a great story about them here. My great grandfather managed musicians and had a string of radio stations in the USA. On Sundays the radio stations would all play the same piece of classical music at the same time. I know that evokes a “so what?” At the time there were not satellites or this Internet thing. He had 78 RPM records produced. 78 RPM records have great fidelity but the play time is short. The other challenge was the fidelity on the outside track of the record was much better than the inside track. This is not a big deal if over the course of 10 minutes the sound quality degrades just a bit. But f you suddenly switch from playing the inside track of one record to playing the outside track of another record it is very grating. So on the odd side (sides 1,3,5..) the label sad play from outside in. On the even sides (2,4,6…) it said play from the inside out.

Francis , great grandad, was asked by Truman to give his daughter an audition so she could do opera. Well let’s say Francis was a very direct person and President Truman’s daughter was not up to snuff. (gee, glad I didn’t inherit that trait! lol) Every year thereafter my great grandfather got audited by the IRS. They never found anything wrong with his books. When he died he did form a foundation to support the arts.

That is the warm up. I really wanted to tell you about my grandfather. He had a fastener business and small machine shop. During WWII one of the things he produced was a dish shaped space heater. Nowadays OHSA would have a fit with the exposed electric coils etc. Anyway, he had employees. I really cannot tell you how big the business was because I was very young. One of his employees died in a car crash. The employee had a wife and 2 daughters. My grandfather made sure they had enough food, and money for rent and he put them through a good (1st – 12th grade) private schools and college. I finally met them when they came to my grandfather’s funeral.

My grandfather, grandmother, and mother were of the Quaker tradition. I found the services an interesting format. whether it was for a funeral or a Sunday meeting the format was the same. Unlike most Christian Churches there is no alter or “front: of the church. All the pews or chairs or benches are in a square facing a center. There isn’t anything in the center. There is sort of a “host” for the meeting. They explain that at anytime if you feel you would like to say something just get up and speak. You can speak or read from something whatever. There isn’t any singing or leader. When no one has anything more to say the service or meeting ends.

So at my mother’s funeral I did get to tell a funny story about my mom and dad. My niece got up and said what she wanted to say – very sweet. It lasted about 45 minutes.

My mom was always generous and my grandfather went above and beyond his obligation. I think Simon makes some good points especially about humanity and friendship.

I came across the You Tube Channel Every Frame A Painting. Here he talks about the lateral Tracking Shot. In that short video he recommends Wolf Children. I have been searching for where to stream it for a long time. I finally found it as a DVD on Amazon. It really is a superb film. It is ranked among the top Anime films. The story and character development are outstanding. Spend the time and give it a watch. And yes I cried. While the movie is PG I do think young adults will not get as much from the film as adults will. In the movie UP ( also a clip of a lateral tracking shot is in the video; to show you how effective it is) the opening scenes often strike adults much differently than children. There are some things that can only be understood on a visceral level with age and experience. As Aristotle said “A great drama evokes a catharsis of emotion.” I think the Japanese would rephrase it as “A great drama evokes a tsunami of emotion.” Wolf Children certainly meets that definition.

And yes, I wish I could call my mom.

James Clear has a great book titled “Atomic Habits”, Here is one of his points in the book. He talks about Marginal Gains. How small improvements over time can make a large difference over time.

Sometimes it is hard to break habits. I formed a bad habit going back a year. Due to the Rona and other things I lost connection with people outside of work. Since we were very isolated I dove into my job. I had been a contractor and this was a FTE role. My experience as a contractor was mainly just keeping the wheels on the bus while others built the next system. Yes, it paid the rent etc. and yes, it was helping the team. I also had to keep track of time and be careful to not work overtime.

So I dove into my job and at times it was overwhelming but I did my best to juggle all the asks. Also I have a hard time saying no to team mates or my boss. I care about the people I work with and if I can be of service to them I will do my best. Since I lost people outside of work; the people at work became more important. I spiraled into focusing on one thing; work. Repeat that for months and it becomes a habit that is hard to break.

I find fulfillment is being of service to others. Internally, it is my co-workers and externally it is the team’s customers. I came across In The Service of Life on a flight to Salt Lake City. It was a last minute flight, booked the night before. Delta was nice enough to charge me the same for first class as coach. I sat next to a man from Scottish Power. He was going to some power plants they bought in Utah. So we talked business processes and lean manufacturing. He asked me why I was going to Salt Lake. In a choked voice I explained that I was going to visit my mom for 2 weeks and work from there. She had terminal cancer. He reached in his briefcase and pulled out a sheet of paper. It had “In the Service of Life” and explained that it had helped him. So I do mean be of service to my team mates. In all my years of work, I have rarely worked with anyone who was incompetent. In fact, I can only remember working with one person who I felt was incompetent. That was years ago. It devastated the team in 9 months.

As Rachael points out helping implies debt and superiority. I view my teammates as at least equal to me. Do we have different skills? Absolutely, to make a great team we must have different skills and experiences. That is a skill difference not a difference in one being superior over another.

To effectively think one must share their thoughts. You can do this by writing them down, The act of writing them down helps to clarify your thoughts. It also allows you to share your thoughts with others and improve your ideas. This is vital on a team. Share thoughts, take in comments, produce better ideas together.

In closing I am trying to change my habits. See the Deyber photo on It is that Time!. I have set myself a very difficult physical challenge. One that I will have to cut back work hours to meet this challenge. It is balance, do something physical and mentally tough. I am hoping it helps me break out of my bad habit.

I like to converse with people and most of my day is alone or responding to immediate needs. I love playing board games for fun with others. To socialize, learn a new game, have some food, but it has been years since that has happened.

You might be able to tell from the picture of my shoes -if you have met me. I do have large calves and I have gotten compliments . One was on a trail race by a woman riding a bike the others were women behind me on a trail race. I took the compliment as just a compliment not reading anything more into it than that. If I sent you a link to this web site then you know who I am. If you stumbled upon this just enjoy the writing – or not.

I plan to put some musings/ideas/opinions out here. By and large these are as anon as possible. They are not meant as fodder to gin up outrage against an individual or a business.

So there is a foot photo. I will give you that as a hint. LOL.

Aristotle wrote “A great drama evokes a catharsis of emption.” I would extend that to great art in general. For those who have seen the Disney film “Up!” remember the opening scenes. Here is a short film about the lateral tracking shot; you will see how it is used to evoke strong emption in Up!. Up! evokes strong emotion in the opening scenes and there are no words. I do not think you have to understand English to understand the opening scenes. I contend that great art transcends language. Here is one example of that:

Do you need a specific language to understand the picture above? Haven’t we all experienced grief so large that it felt as if our stomach was gone?

This sculpture was at Burning Man and I don’t think we need an extensive explanation to understand and feel what the artist is trying to convey. Certainly there is art where you need a background or context. Much religious art is of that nature.